Ramit Sethi interviewed Ron Lieber, personal finance author and New York Times columnist, about building authentic relationships.

I watched this interview in Ramit's course, Instant Network, and it was so valuable that that it took me several hours to get through… because I kept stopping the video to follow their advice and take extensive notes.

For example:

"Even Ron, a NYT writer, says he is only as good as the last article he wrote, and fully expects to be "on the street" one day. Why wouldn't he want a network of people he has a relationship with that he can call on?"

I think there's at least one idea in my notes that anyone could benefit from, so I'm sharing them here, unabridged.

My notes

The word 'rich' is emotionally loaded – think in terms of living a 'rich life'.

Curiosity and the desire to ask questions is the foundation of authentic networking.

Talk to people with a deeply conversational tone – not an interrogative tone (even people you are a little suspicious of) and you'll put them at ease and get better answers.

You need be able to talk to anyone about anything and put them at ease before you get to whatever business you want to do with them.

Having a broad base of interests – and following your curiosities – helps you hold a conversation with almost anyone.

When you're meeting someone – or want to meet someone – do some research so you have at least a few minutes of conversational fodder.

Don't be too robotic… but be prepared.

Conversing with other people is a skill.

Don't lean on the easiest topics of conversation – like asking where they went to college or what they do for work. People have answered these questions hundreds of times, so they'll give scripted answers. It's boring. There are almost always more interesting topics of conversation. Ask them about their favourite restaurant and their face will light up because it's interesting for them to think about.

A conversational game: see how long you can go without asking someone where they grew up, where they went to university, or what they do for work.

Investing has been solved: put your money in index funds and forget about it – other than to tweek your asset allocations as your risk tolerance changes.

One way you can be valuable to someone is to just notice what they're doing and send them a comment on it.

Keep a mental file of what other people in your field are doing, and the way in which they're doing it, so you're always in a position to take a different approach (it's automatically more interesting if you give people a contrarian take – and valuable if it's a good take).

Take 30 minutes and send 5 notes to people whose work you really admire. It could be a company providing great service. It could be the chef at your favourite restaurant. It could be a writer whose stuff you like. Even Ron, a NYT writer, doesn't get a lot of notes from people expressing gratitude or appreciation – but he appreciates it when he does.

When Ron gets a note from someone who has clearly thought something through, he thanks them, and ask if he can add them to an email reader file of smart people he can run things by. So anyone who sends him a thoughtful note – and it's not many – is immediately on his A list.